2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
