and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
