Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
