he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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