It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
