you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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