I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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