i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
