Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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