we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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