I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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