And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
