I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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