The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize