I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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