Are we in a gay sports bar?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize