Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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