he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We were destined to go to rehab together
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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