okay pat passed out under dana's car
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize