I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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