it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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