Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The adults are the big ones right?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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