I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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