she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
