my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
