i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
