I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
did i walk over a car last night?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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