I got chris browned last night
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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