dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize