I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
