i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
