im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
