I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
