The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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