Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
