ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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