soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
