I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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