I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
