I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
