I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
