Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
