My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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