did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
love makes seman taste better
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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