she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
what day is it and did you see me today?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
