Pappa wants mamma naked
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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