i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
