I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
