I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize