your thong is hanging out like whoa
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize