Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
