I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
