Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
