We won't sleep together?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
