i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
