Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
