my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize