You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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