you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Banned from zoo.
Again?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
