well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
