I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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