oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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