Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
