My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Help me help you realize you are a moron
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Success! We fucked roommates!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize