no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's blow job season.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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