That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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