Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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