I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
