i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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