i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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