The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
