The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
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